The Rollercoaster of Emotions with Endometriosis
The days leading up to her period are filled with anxiety for a woman living with endometriosis. She knows all too well the pain and hardship that accompanies her cycle each month.
The days leading up to her period are filled with anxiety for a woman living with endometriosis. She knows all too well the pain and hardship that accompanies her cycle each month.
Thoughts constantly swirl in her mind - When will the symptoms start? How severe will the cramping and fatigue be? Will she be able to go to work or will she be rendered completely debilitated?
The uncertainty of it all builds her anxiety to a near constant state as her period approaches.
When those familiar cramps come on, so too does a wave of panic. Her heart races, her chest tightens, her mind spirals out of control. Here comes the pain again, right on schedule. There is no escaping the vice-like grip endometriosis has on her body.
No amount of pain medication seems to make a dent in the all-consuming agony. She swings rapidly between restlessness and utter exhaustion.
The isolating nature of the condition further feeds her anxiety. Friends grow tired of hearing about her chronic ailment month after month. Partners struggle to comprehend the severity of her pain.
Coworkers misinterpret her frequent absences as laziness or lack of dedication.
Inside, she is screaming "It's not just cramps, it's so much more!" But on the outside, she masks her emotions for fear of being labeled as "dramatic" or "overreacting."
When the pain, isolation, and self-doubt become too much to bear, it can plunge her into the dark depths of depression. She feels utterly defeated, like she is fighting a war with her own body that she cannot possibly win. Month after month, year after year, the same rollercoaster of emotions leaves her depleted.
She questions why this is happening to her, and what she possibly could have done to deserve such a cruel fate.
But she learns to find slivers of hope through it all. Distractions like light mobile games or guided meditations can provide temporary relief from the emotional turmoil. Finding an online community of others with endometriosis helps her feel understood and less alone. She clings to the promise of new and better treatments on the horizon.
While endometriosis may be a lifelong affliction, her pain is not permanent. The bad days, too, shall pass. She is so much more than the week or two each month that this disease consumes her.
On her good days, she celebrates the person she is outside of this condition. And on the bad days, she practices self-compassion, and reminds herself that this storm, like all others, will eventually run its course.
